Breaking the mirror of co-dependency
A re-play.In slow motion.
If you smash a mirror, then glue it back together it is then just a shattered mirror that you look through. Showing many dimensions of reflection.
There is a superstition about breaking mirrors, that goes with the superstitions of bad luck. Belief is a trickster.I have decided this is a myth. Breaking the mirror is a wonderful thing to do, when the reflection is not yours, although it always is.
As a self taught optimist, I know how important it is to wake up in the rays of life’s sunshine, no matter what. WHich I do before and after sleep. Wake up in the rays of life's sunshine no matter what.
When you wake up on the wrong side of bed, how do you react? Perhaps my old self would have got up and started rushing around, checking face book, making/responding to phone calls, listening to the news or radio, throwing on some Metallica while I shouted and screamed into the ethers. I would have avoided my inner temper tantrum, by getting into the rat race of “doing”. Doing anything but looking at the uncomfortable truth that I had gotten myself into.
I enjoy waking up slowly with a warm creamy coffee in hand, in silence, getting my day started with a quiet mind.I realize the importance to etting my intentions for peaceful,balanced,energetic and empowered day.
Life is like driving in two lanes of traffic, with one stream going one direction and the other stream going the another. Above all of that are a whole series of other high-ways that most people do not even see. Somewhere in the meridian of these two perceptions is a much smoother road. Actually it is not even a road, rather a wide, open journey. With no need to drive. There is no need for signalling, paying attention to the other cars, or being stuck in traffic. It feels more like a suspended support system. Where one, can literally float. Painted in complete support fuelled with pure blissful allowing, as if being gently pushed forward through time. In a geodesic shaped dome of happy.
Sure, seeing through this dome, one can certainly perceive the two steams of worldly traffic moving in opposite directions simultaneously. From this perspective it becomes quite a simple choice. Or at least is really should be. Not so fast Mario! I don't see any girls waving flags here.
So what do you do? Jump into the wild race, sit in the foggy traffic jam, or float above it as an observer. Participating from higher perspective, somewhere outside of chaos, as part of the show, only working in balanced action.
This after all, is life.
We come here, totally aware to jump into this highway of contrast. In order to experience, to feel, to taste to smell, to touch, to hear, and to become a part of society, part of a large community. Sometimes, a seemingly insane reality, of drama filled nonsense.
A world which we eventually leave, for a much more luminous version of life. Way beyond life as we see it, is a higher version, of our little holograph. Although this is not actually place, lets refer to this as the other side.
We all go there, no bouncers at the door except your consciousness, evaluating your self. Sometimes we come back, after seeing that we kinda screwed up last round. With intent to re-learn what we missed before. Believe it or not, these shenanigans is part of a divine order. Simply put, part of a plan, to ascend humanity and to assist Earth in ascension, as well as all of her inhabitants. Many of us have come here, to make a difference, to leave an imprint. To shift reality as we know it and co-create a better world.
For someone who is not been here but thirty-five years yet, I have many times in my life felt more like a very wise, old woman, others a wise old native chief. More than once I was convinced that I was definitely not from here, In a body that was actually not even mine.
Seeing behind all the programs,all the acts, with an inward knowing that people older than me sometimes had a hard time with acting their real age. Thank-fully I remember being six years old, and seeing through these eyes. I remember this came with a lot of frustration. So I taught myself how to cope by reading books by enlightened people, who understood what I could. This taught me how to navigate through life with an enlightened outlook.
With more life experience than most friends of my age I realize that I have been on a mission, to figure myself out before I settled down and decided to fit into the mould. The best realization ever, may have been that I probably never will fit into the mould. I prefer to create them.
Finally, I am okay with that. I love who I am.
Love is everywhere in truth. So why are we so blinded?
So you wake up and realize you are in a total funk.All wrapped up, and seeing through someone else's bullshit. As if you are living it with them. Only you don't even know them. SOmehow they have crept into your daily life to taunt you in any way they can. On the internet, where no one knows who is under the mask. You have been in and out of the funk for way too long, yet you find your self there again. Like some psyco-pathic character looking for a drug that never fills the space. So, you do what ever it takes to fight the war within your own un-balanced reality. Could it be real?
In the process of breaking the mirror of a nasty,extremely unhealthy co-dependent union, that has gone on-way- past-too-long. The realization hits every time. No cyber-alcholic- wine-lover should even think they can take a small sip and walk out of the liquor store sober.
A You-tube drip piercing a vein connected to the heart, feeding a character who joined me in an innocent introduction, turned night-mare of miscommunications, personal break downs and cyber bulling into a secret love affair. I allowed this person to repetitively tear down my confidence as he pretended to be thousand people at once. Like a ventriloquist as I guessed which personality he decided he wanted to protray. A cyber based addiction with someone who never,ever had any intent to meet me in the real world. Or would have by now.
“Let me have my cake and eat it to, while I eat yours, and everyone else’s as well, all at once” is the kind of narcissistic flirtations that seem to be his pattern.
Hope is a powerful tool, but can be damaging when it overrides the reality of someones projection towards you, themselves and the world through their foggy eyes.
Typical co-dependancy traits hit the fan, I am not stupid. I am a para-psycologist. I could identify my symptoms.
If you have ever been in a relationship like this, you know how horrible it can be.Too many women are in these types of control driven relationships. I truly never would have thought I would be in one myself. It has a difficult wake up call, as well as a powerful lesson that only a twin flame co-dependency could teach me. But to re-live this over and over to eventually see the truth, good word. Smash the mirror already!
Swallowing the truth pill has taken some time and nurturing,learning again to trust my true voice, knowing that this person is never,ever going to change their game. He can't, not can I make him. I cannot even pass a puck anymore. I can only change my own game.
I had to open my eyes and see this game for what it really was. Mirroring his illusions, is a waste of time, where there a world to create. One that is honest and playful, face to face and not undercover like spy's in an old life.
It has never even been about me. Looking on it now, I no longer feel like a victim, because I have had to learn to turn it around. That does not mean, that the process of letting the walls crumble does not continue. Actually the walls are already re-built them selves. When someone throws bricks, built a house.
When the seer becomes the mirror, and the illusions of the masks are reflected in very unhealthy, lack of boundaries. The seer eventually stops squinting. The mirror had becoming pretty ugly. I was not seeing me anymore. That’s for sure.
I share this, for my own process, as well as for others who may need a speck of insight as support to keep suspended in the release of co-dependency to any person or any substance.
Know that it is safe for you to walk away.
Angels always speak:
Over a year ago, at the same time I was coming to the first stage or realization, I had a woman client come sit down for a reading. As I was shown her personal screenplay, what I saw was a very unbalanced male energy holding a gun to her head. It was such a vivid, and horrifying vision that I had to ask her if that had actually happened or if it was a metaphor for the present relationship she had been withstanding.
I almost wanted to cry for her, as I could see how trapped she felt. The message that I received from her guardian angels were clear and bold.
“Leave now, walk away, and don’t look back”
Extremely sympathetic for her, I understood how hard it was for her to do. She, like me, was stuck in a defence pattern, seeing the good in the man, who was holding a gun to her head. He had verbally and psychologically abused her various times, by manipulating situations that were never honest or done with true actions of love. She had an ability to find peace no matter what, and was always trying to turn things around, in a way that made them both seem like wonderful people. The truth was that her own perceptions of her ability to do so was destroying her own power. Her own voice had been drowned out to the point where where she could no longer trust herself. Blinded by her version of an easier story. As the manipulator had no sense of any feeling toward what she was experiencing as he continued to play with her sensitive nature. He would not go for therapy and she had to hide that she was even seeing me. He had no intention of healing himself, just keeping her close, where he could control her emotions.
I understood from her position and I could relate. When she was with her partner thorough all the wild torment of many up's and downs, the high times were so good, and the down times were horrendous.She would withstand everything for that little tiny insecure moment, when he would be sweet with her. Then get what he wanted, then self sabotage any step forward. When she would leave him she would feel a sense of power, which perhaps was her addiction, or the only way she felt in control of her need to feel balanced. Each time she would go back, the same thing would happen. The vicious cycle of co-dependency. He would always get what he wanted, and she never would.
That day, we both received many messages that came with a big loving kick in the ass.
Do we always listen?
It was time to look the truth in the face and break free. Fear included. Mistrust, left aside. Personal power activated, and head held high. She was aware that each time she left she did become more free, more wise and actually more evolved. She was snot actually looking in a mirror at all. Was it a doorway? Did she have a key? Need a shield? A bullet proof vest? Or maybe........
To be continued.