Breaking the mirror continued.........
The power in switching tracks and how to shift the vibe of any situation
Roughly two years ago I came back to my hometown, with a goal to be the best I could be, mentally, physically and spiritually. I saw that I had totally gotten off track. Or had I?
Maybe difficult relationships come along with great reason, that we learn the best lessons sometimes the hard way, in order to become centred in strength, with a core of spirituality, our divine essence meant to hold us in place and never let us down.
We can choose to listen to the guidance and pay attention to the red flags, a MUCH easier way to avoid having to overcome a drama addiction.
I like to shift the vibe, look at it from a more broad perspective.
Lies are like a mirror.
Lies don’t like you to look them in the face or show you the real you.
Just as people who are living a lie won’t let you look them in the face.
As a very loving, confident, truth telling person, I was experiencing a major energy leak as I continued this non-relationship. It never once gave me what I needed.
Not in a way that I could see.
All the time this cyber nightmare was going on, I had a really wonderful man, checking me out. Asking around town if I was single. I know now, that he smiled at me various times, trying to get my attention. At the time I was so wrapped up “the web” I would have never noticed. I walked by with my dark shades on, not even seeing him.
A spectacular man, who has many of the characteristics I look for in a person, and an honest one at that.
A few months after I had woken up, done some personal healing, let down my guard and opened my allowing, to real life relationships. When you release anything, the door opens for something better to come in. Surely on some level, I seemed less intimidating with out the walls, because he finally asked me out.
This is a man who had his own past of being hurt and mistreated and so we had something’s in common. The compassion, gentleness, humour, and open honesty in our heart to heart conversations was a welcome, breath of fresh air. A gift I opened, approving my own need to feel safe, in a mature union of healthy face, to face discussions.
One day after we had gone for a walk, I had texted him to say thank-you and we had developed a friendly, funny discussion via texting and photo’s.
I had asked him something in which he took his time getting back to me. Which was not usual.
The next day he still had not responded and it was later into the evening.
This of course triggered all kinds of old fear that resembled the feeling I had toward the co-dependent version the (non) relationship I wrote about in my last blog.
I realized that I had no need to be needy, or demanding, or spoiled in my wanting him to respond. I simply observed my emotions and what they were showing me. I had some seriously unresolved pain that was coming up. So rather than reacting, I looked at it honestly. All I wanted to do was react, by sending him a text about how I felt about that.
I have little need to repeat mistakes, so I took a few breaths and faced all the heat soaring up into my heart and throat.
I needed to sit down and write down everything I needed to say, before I responded. I wrote a good four pages of how I felt, why I felt that way and what I needed. Which felt a little better. I knew I did need to be honest so I did mention to my new friend, casually in a witty, humorous way that he had taken a while to respond. By being straight up and honest, he did get back to me. Right away, then I was able to open a discussion and asked him to pop over the next day. I wanted to sleep on it, rather than spew.
The gift of being in unhealthy relationship, is seeing where you could have done better, and learning the lessons rather than repeating them. I had learned how to communicate, like never before. Not in an open way mind you. Face to face was a new one for me. My fear based self had made up all kinds of stories and potentials as to why I should just call off the relationship then and there. I was ready to call it off, because I figured I was not ready to jump in yet.
Nervous as hell when the buzzer rang, I knew I needed to open my expression in the most honest way I could. Prior to his visit I had read the journal entry, the four pages of
boo-hoo’s. Brilliant, that I had completed that process, because as I read it, even I was bored of the story. I realized he did not need all the background information, or the four-page description I had released wittingly. However, I was able to say in a more concise manner, that I felt vulnerable, due to a past relationship, explaining that I needed someone who would be open and honest. As I reminded him that I was highly psychic, so he couldn’t tell me that he hadn’t seen the message.
With a non visible smile, he admitted that it was true, and he knew that he was in for a totally new kind of relationship if he wanted to hang out with me.
No room for games and no shadows in lies.
I could smell them like a blind dog can smell bacon.
As he put my feet on his lap and listened very intent-fully, my heart opened.
I was able to express myself the best, easiest way I ever had!
The greatest part was that, because I was able to be direct with my true feelings by stating what it was that I needed, he was able to respond.
Of course it went way better than I ever expected.
I was actually okay.
More than okay!
Again seeing myself as the person I really am. Putting aside the person that someone else was trying to make me. When, you have spent any amount of time in an abusive relationship, it takes some time to rebuild the truth of who you are.
This also reminds you of the true power you have. Constantly.
You have to look in the real mirror and stop reflecting someone’s poor illusion, which is really the mirror of their own, defeated self.
I had to tie up all the loose ends with the cybersist. Mr. bullshizzle.
I had no time or energy anymore for someone who had no intention of ever being honest. He, didn’t even know how to.
That was no longer my problem.
Break the mirror of co-dependency, by realizing that the dependent is not ready to make a shift. Do not be give them the ability to keep you there.
They will not change if you keep feeding them. Even if you stop, they likely won’t change their ways. Forget, the co-pilot version of you, just fly your plane.
So the day goes on, and I type. My mood is lifted because I have shed light on the truth. I have spoken my mind and brought light to other people, who relate. I wake up drinking a decaf a few hours later, looking at a train ticket, a trip back into myself, with out an invisible monkey joining me this time!
Boots is not allowed in my bag anymore. ( I am an adult with a Dora colouring book that has been a great pass time and healing modality) I love to fill in the lines and use crayons! Just like when I was a very happy child going to visit my Dad on the train as a very independent seven year old! My Dad is many things many things, a sailor and a conductor, who showed me how to switch tracks ; ) I will keep up my art work.
Last time my curiosity got the best of me, I figure I must have hit a chord. His ego was pissed. So he plays his game of abusive classic repeats.
Stating in trickery, that no one cares what I say, pointing out that he is a big self made success. He likes to portray that I am a no-body. He is so wrapped up in his material safety and persona (which is all he really owns) wrapped in earthly illusions, that he can’t see his own love inside. A truly, wonderful, person under all of his layers, just dying to open up and be seen. Sadly, he is hiding under way too many layers, more than I can deal with.
More than I have to. Here is a classic description, wikipedia's version anyway for anyone needing enlightenment:
Narcissism is a term that originated with Narcissus in Greek mythology who fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. Currently it is used to describe a person characterized by egotism, vanity, pride, or selfishness. Narcissism has included particular meanings in specific fields:
I have no need to judge him from that bitter perspective either. It may be true, but I know it is not his truth. He will probably continue to make his movies, I have no control of that, what I do control is the need to look in. Nothing good ever comes about looking in there. That old replayed shananagin is literaly like breeze, drifting on by. Old, rusty tracks I have no need to look back.
Self love is a whole new love.
Do I really believe that small voice that comes out of him?
Hell no! When I have over 1000 views on my recent blog, which I love to write!
It is nice to know, when people come up to me almost every-day to say thank-you, for being honest and open. I see it gives others courage to speak about the truth. I don’t need the ego boost I simply enjoy my purpose.
There is a major difference between the description above, and owning confidence.
As far as this blog goes, no matter who saw it or enjoys it, I would continue to write it anyway.
Of course I really love to read and hear peoples comments, I think it is important to speak openly.
I know that we do, all relate through the stories we tell, in order to empower each other with compassion, to instill positive change. To remember we are all connected. We are a big huge community that needs to shift the planet.
We have been controlled, for too long by these types. Collectively, we let it happen with governments, and corporations, with insurance agencies, with banking systems, as well as in our personal relationships with others. This type of bully energy is not productive to the advancement of humanity. It is based on fear and control and we cannot allow it. We need to speak about these things openly.
Why did he drive through the vortex that day?
He asked, at some point for illumination, in a silent way or in a way where he whispered for help.
He too, needed a big dose of light and truth.
Why was it so hard for me to turn away?
Hope. Faith. Belief.
Why was it so hard for him to turn away?
Which is available to all of us all the time. Become the conduit. Receive the light.
The source is the same for all of us. The source has no judgement.
We change the world by changing ourselves.
We always do, get exactly what we need.
I will change something ugly into something beautiful. Repetatively.
When I wake up with a bitter taste in my mouth, or the midnight circus running through my mind, I notice it. I look in then ask to see the truth. The circus can just pass through like a cloud in the wind. I don’t need to watch the clown, or be the tightrope walker, I have no need to sell popcorn or balloons.
I can just be. Happily, in the suspended dome of observation, participating in all the real good that surrounds me. Participating in the active creation of a drama free zone.
I go to bed tonight, totally shifted, on the right side.
The blog has been done since yesterday.
Spring cleaning, complete, quick spell check, and no signal means, the geodesic dome is growing! The bags are packed very lightly.
So this will be sent tomorrow, at the dawn of a new day. Which sometimes comes after noon. Not a care in the world, because I am feeling good!
As a speaker of truth, I know it is my right, and my job to say and feel what I do. As a lightworker, I know I can bring light by shinning perspective.
As Dora the explorer, I have an endless array of true adventures right in front of me!
I left a long time ago, I walked away a long time ago, I stopped looking back the other day.
Why on God’s good earth would I care to look back?
When the train is moving forward. Quickly.
It switched tracks and I am a passenger.
The inner mermaid knows.
I have an ocean of divine support all the time. I am being helped, and very gratful for that. I know I can swim free, because I have, towards my treasure chest of positive energy. It is always there! It is for you too.
Ready, set GO!
Time for a real, life adventure !
With love, from Dora the explorer, all grown up!
When you learn to see, you learn to love.
When you learn to love, you know how to see.
The Sun, the Moon. The Truth.
Margo Bereska Psycic medium, clairvoyant healer
Coming very soon
Mastery of the morning. Freshly written.
TIPS and real life stories of how to deal with co-dependency