23 Things A Mom Can Teach Her Boys
Flashback to Saturday night... A song pops up on my Facebook page; my best friend from high school has randomly posted a familiar tune on my wall and I cannot help but laugh at the timing. It's 3 a.m. and I should be sleeping, instead I am inspired. I don't truly respect the word should, so I follow my guidance which came in a few days ago: "The blog you write next will be inspired by a question from a friend." BOOM. Gotta love divine timing. "Should" goes out the window, when I realize that the question she asked me along with her post is a loaded one. It's definitely a blog-worthy question for me to respond to.
"Margo, what should I teach my boys?"
When we were sixteen, we both had two boys vying for our love. Funny thing is, I only remember one of them.
The summer was hot, we were working in my home town of Jasper, Alberta, and Greek music was playing over and over as a line up formed down the street. With anticipation, I hustled to clear up my last tables for the evening; there was a party brewing in the bush, and the butterflies in my stomach were minimal because I felt so mature knowing that an older man was coming to pick me up. He wasn't a high school boy acting all unsure and immature, but a free roaming Zippy Hippy type who really appreciated my level of maturity, something we both seemed to have in common. Although I wasn't certain that I liked the hippy type, he left a big impression on me because he was a really good guy. Not only was he sweet and gentlemanly, he was also deep and reflective as well. He had a charm that would make any wise teenager's heart throb.
Lyla, my best friend in high school, has always been a little overprotective of me. A wise eye with a sharp, sometimes hidden sense, she always gave my boyfriends the third degree. From what I can remember she would always blatantly tell me, "You know, Margo, I just don't think he is good enough for you." Thinking back, I don't recall that she ever thought any of my boyfriends were up to par. So I had to laugh when she sent me a song about two princes at 3am last night, as if part of her psychic conscience was checking in with my latest romance - an absolutely amazing, kiss- the-frog and watch him turn into a king type of keeper, whom I am certain she would highly approve of. I have to admit, I have been pretty smitten with the level of love dancing around me lately, in harmonious exchange.
I have sternly developed a strict policy in my life, holding a firm rule that women (and men for that matter) should never settle for less. Although "should" has already been thrown out the window, what I do know is this: when you focus on what you do want, in a very clear sense and specifically defined, you can trust that the right person will walk into your life when you are truly ready. So you could settle for someone who is not up to par, or you could stick with your policy, which is my recommendation if you want to be blissfully happy.
I had to pay attention to Lyla's question with regard to a good understanding of how a mother can raise boys into solid men, in a world that really needs good men right now, more than ever. Lyla has two sons, both very cool, and clearly she is doing everything right - evidently so given I have had the pleasure of hanging out with both of them. On the other hand, I have seen some women raising boys with hardly any boundaries as to what a healthy relationship actually requires. Lyla is an inspiration to me, she is a Mother married to a wonderful partner who is an amazing father to her children.
It is more important than ever that women are being honoured with mutual respect in this world, appreciated and seen as a mega-force which is required to bring a whole planet into a higher state of consciousness. I have no doubt that there are things we can add to the list, but 23 seems like a good number. Gotta go easy on them too, without too much demand or expectation, as we empower ourselves to be our very best as well.
So here you go beans……. Thank you for the late night inspiration, and for reminding me to keep my imbedded standards in check.
Check list complete ;) & beyond……
23 Things A Woman Can Teach Her Sons:
Once he knows how to walk by reaching for things that catch his curious eye, he will need to know what is playful and what is dangerous. He will need reassuring guidance that keeps his will strong, his spirit free, and his sense of knowing in check.
He will learn how to talk, and how to ask, rather then to demand things in a way that might offend.
1. Teach him how to be straight up with his expression, because a woman would rather be clear on where she stands, than be played with emotionally.
2. Teach him to be a clear and structured orator, because nothing is more powerful than a man who can honestly and openly express himself and his talents.
3. Teach him to be romantic and playful in his gestures because life is always way too serious.
4. Inspire him to be humble in the boasting of his gifts, yet showy in his display of them.
5. Teach him to be cuddly with a good balance of wordless affection. Often all a women really needs is a quiet place to be held where she can feel safe being vulnerable, as well as strong.
6. Teach him how to pick out a decent bottle of wine, and the difference between Baby Duck and Pol Roger. Of course he will know how to open this bottle as well.
7. Teach him how to love vulnerably, because every woman needs to be told she is divine, beautiful and special.
8. Teach him to be great at many things, and that he does not need to do any of them perfectly.
9. Tell him that no matter what, he is always more than enough.
10. Pride has the power to destroy great love. Teach him how to say "I am sorry, what can I do to make this better?" even if he feels he didn't do anything wrong.
11. Teach him how to find constellations in the stars.
12. Teach him how to make a real, personal invitation. Even if it is multiple choice. Show him how to deliver it.
13. Teach him how to assert himself when his boundaries are being pushed, or when he is being bullied and that he never needs to raise his voice to have a good result.
14. Teach him that having a trade or finding a gift that he enjoys is more important than a university degree, but that committing to a degree is equally valuable for his own sense of accomplishment.
15. Teach him to do his own laundry, how to cook and how to brush a woman's hair.
16. Teach him how to make his bed with purpose. Ultimately the bed he makes is the one he will lay in.
17. Teach him that it is important for him to go into his cave from time to time. That his cave, just like superman's is the place he needs to go to re-charge his wisdom in order to come out as a stronger superhero. Tell him that yes, women do in fact want a superhero, but a true superhero is not the one who acts without thinking, but is the one who naturally follows these chivalrous guidelines ;)
18. Teach him how to tone down his sexual desires if a woman says no when he makes a sexual advance. Tell him that it is not always personal rejection but a way she is checking to determine his level of respect.
19. Show him that it is okay to risk his feelings without fear of rejection, because there is always someone around the corner who will be more than happy to be with him.
20. Teach him to choose confidence over arrogance, because confidence is real and arrogance is a show that she will get tired of watching.
21. Mostly, teach him to put his open heart on the line, a woman knows there are always options and she will generally respond lovingly to the one who truly demonstrates what he really wants. Actions are way more powerful than words. Although both are important.
22. Teach him that Dad is probably the one who will know best in showing him how to hit the bull's eye when taking a pee, and that putting the toilet seat down is a good thing to do. Dad will likely know best how to properly and responsibly shot-gun a beer. (But then again that may not always be the case) *In your case he will definitely know how to brew one.
23. Most importantly show him what love is by being a shining example. Stand in your power by being rooted in your own sense of self, and don't ever settle for less than you deserve. Ever.
By now he will know that it is completely okay to be a momma's boy, because being soft and compassionate will be what makes all the difference to a woman who is naturally a mother, and a good one at that!
When a woman is awesome, a man will know it and be more than happy to reflect that back with genuine intent.
Love you beans <3
Love letters and brilliant memories