The teaching of the cave
Wisdom beyond victimization
The world has been spinning faster lately!
A week ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a sensation of being way too drunk, the room was spinning and flipping as I tried to hold myself down to the bed, which was not working. There was no alcohol in my body. The uncomfortable sense of being totally ungrounded and out of body was not helpful. I had a full day of sessions booked the following morning and when I woke up, this profoundly dizzy sensation had not yet ceased completely. Somehow, I made it through the day, the dizzy feeling as my sidekick.
I’ve had many energy activations before, especially prior to a few days of sessions, many times this is a feeling of dizziness, floating, shakes and trembles or other somewhat unpleasant sensations, triggered by something shifting in me, to share with others. I don’t fight ascension symptoms anymore, I welcome them, but this one was proving to be more of a challenge. With so many strong, stubborn little viruses taking over the weaknesses in our immune system lately, it seems deeper somehow that so many of us have fallen sick more than once over the last few months. Definitely this one was more than just an ascension symptom. Although often related, I had definitely taken a hard hit, one of these little buggers had gotten the best of me, no matter what I threw at it in defence.
Since being pregnant, I can definitely say my immune system has not been the strong soldier it normally is. Now here I am, a week later, couch-bound and grieving the loss of my new found enthusiasm for life after a long, long surrender to grief. I know it, I know where I am at, if I am honest and take a look around, I am in the cave! I can’t seem to crawl out! So through my dizzy spins, I will take advantage of the down time to at least get some writing in. God forbid I waste another minute stuck in cyber land, wasting time. Yes I said that twice.
Why the cave
: The cave is a brilliant and terrifying place to be. The cave is the dark and hollow cavern of your psyche. A place so cool and damp, it seems almost impossible to light a fire, the dampness of what you perceive to be your reality shrinks in around you as you look for a warm cover to hide under. You know you’re somehow protected from the harsh elements, but in this cave, you are alone. On some level those around you acknowledge this, wondering where you are and when you will come back. They may see a small glimpse of you, the you that you really are, but deep inside of this cave you know it is all you. Its only you. You and your shadowy friends.
You end up in this cave for many reasons, you’ve tried, and attempted not going there, with every tool you have to build something less dark, but eventually the energy of your attempts becomes so draining that you are beginning to feel like an actual victim, it’s becoming true, you know it, you know it because the outter world is reflecting it back to you over and over again. This type of proof is so truly defeating that you wonder if the universe is so utterly disappointed in you as it affirms that in fact, that absolutely nothing is going your way. You can’t define if that it is true or not, because it’s easier not to take responsibility. You feel out of options, so you just surrender. You trust once again that the universe is your friend, but you’re honestly so tired, too tired to co-operate so you just crawl in naked and alone listening to the drip of condensation, the thoughts that swirl around over and over and over, creating a trickle of annoying awareness.
You meet all kinds of friends in there! Most of them your shadow aspects. Your old ghosts, your sticky, stinky, musty demons, the poor, wounded little girl or boy that lost their Mommy or Daddy long ago when they became so fiercely independant. The extremely disappointed teenager whose heart was broken by her dream boy. They all look you in the eye and ask to dance, but the truth is, they have no power to affect you there at all, you’re in a bloody cave, naked! There is no energy, little insight and no company except for these cold shadows that you had put on a shelf. They pull hard at your tired heart strings, trying hard to get you to play, but you’re too tired to bother. If there is anything you know about this cave it’s that here this is all illusion. That's why you go there!
A clown emerges, creepy as always, juggling balls of choices in front of your face, your body has become heavy and your eyes are far too busy perceiving all of this. When that ugly little cockroach comes a little too close, the wings of that black bat swoop down over your eyelids until you’re ready to see again. Little bugger! Thank god he didn’t get tangled in your hair! In the depths of the cave, dread-locks are kind of a thing.
What the cave can teach you...
What are you dreading? You know you can’t stay there forever! You begin to hear the chant and the voice of gods, angels, friends and fairies; they are calling, friends are calling, people who need your wisdom are calling, the voices are truly divine, the invites are there, you’re just ignoring them. You want to stay there and you know you gotta go. As a beam of sunlight somehow finds its way through this place, you stay hesitant. You know you gotta stay there just a minute longer, this place is weirdly comfortable because it's so predictable, everything that you have danced with (in the dark) lives here and no longer exists on the outside. Over time this cave has become a little prettier, you discover ice and its reflection, formations of crystals that needed the dark to grow, layers upon layers of hard-earned stone, this cave is part of you. It is the deep, the sacred, the uncomfortable, the brutal. It is everything that life is, everything that we are so scared to visit. It is the truth in its fullest. The truth, that you know is spiritual. This cave is part of that path, the place where you can quite safely hide from the winds of change, this cave is most definitely a very important part of the spiritual path. You’ve even painted your walls to make it all seem prettier, but now the light is the stronger pull.
The beauty of this cave has somehow become astounding. But the potential to discover what is new on the outside remains, and you absolutely cannot help but go there. You’ve actually never felt so ready to walk away from all the bullshit that you can’t control. You come to full realization that you’re actually not built to be so firmly independent, that your dream boy was actually never that at all, you know this without a shade of doubt, on the deepest level of truth that you’re the only one who can choose to stand up and walk out. You are the only one who is responsible for what manifests on the outside and so you embrace being sick and tired on the inside. You embrace saying no to the illusions.
As the tones of light music ring though, echoing like an orchestra calling you back to the light, you know the walk out is indeed assisted. Meanwhile as you avoided participating, all of those who’ve stood outside, occupied with their own perceptions, they have been helpful. This visit has been a long one! Once again you feel a speck of gratitude, your wings with a new layer to fly, your last look at the old corroded walls; this cave has given you a piece of that illuminated crystal, you wrap it in copper to enhance its truth, and wear it on your chest like a well-deserved gift from Earth. You were not gifted for suffering, that is never how it works, you were gifted with wisdom, wisdom worth more than a thousand words or a million dollars. Now you have even more to share! You know once again that the light always wins. But the cave? You cannot know the light if you cannot step fully in.
It has been an honour to visit once again. There is indeed a new chapter unfolding. And this new moon is rad!
Totally here to assist!
YOU just need to co-operate.
And when she comes out of this cave?
You better watch out, because on the outside there is not a single thing to hide from!
PS. Never fear the clown. Its the part of you that has always been an illusion. Seek your truth, embrace suffering, follow your heart and you will not need to face such suffering in the same way again.